Dear magic,
Dude, what is your deal lately? You've changed.
You're washed up. You're a has been. You haven't shaved since '87 and you haven't even made an effort to come up with any good card tricks since Regan left office.
As magic, you have a serious responsibility to make anyone and everyone feel 8 years old all over again.
You call that David Blaine crap "magic"? Please. The guy sits in a huge fishbowl and tries to hold his breath for 9 minutes. And fails! On live TV nonetheless! And you know what's even sadder? Even if he HAD done it, it still would have sucked. Yeah that old David Blaine stuff was cool, but c'mon, lately you've been slipping.
Remember back in the day when you went all Copperfield on everybody's asses and was like, "Statue of Liberty? WHAT STATUE OF LIBERTY?! BAM!". Now you don't even get off the couch. You lay around watching Leno all night with little bits of KC Masterpiece potato chips lying on your stained shirt from where you missed your mouth. Seriously dude, get it together.
As a lifelong kid, I have the need to be amazed and astounded at times. To feel like maybe, just maybe there is a land where unicorns roam free and marshmallows fall from the sky. You are the deadbeat dad of wonder and amazement. You've failed people everywhere.
But I do have faith. I believe you can get your shit together and get on the right track. Just look at what this Criss Angel guy is doing:
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/37292/criss_angel_walks_through_glass/
C'mon magic. I know you've got it in you. So get up off that couch, take a shower (or two) and get back out there and make us all wide-eyed again!
Sincerely,
Miller Jones